Alright so the last post was a little over the top with emotion...but...I don't choose to delete it. I still kind of feel that way and that's exactly how I felt at the time. It was blunt, honest, and I wasn't pretending. Sometimes I wonder why I care so much. So going on that I really enjoyed Steve's message today.
"There is no room for pretending in spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule: pretend. Give the impression that everything is ok in your life when it's not; pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; and whenever you do, don't admit you sin. The essence of messy spirituality is the refusal to pretend, to lie, or to allow others to believe we are something we are not. Yet, most people can handle the most difficult of issues easier than they can handle the lack of pretending."- Mike Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality.
I am realizing more and more each day that I need to let God intervene in my life. I have a lot of stress and issues that I think I can take care of..the truth...I can't do it on my own. God wants me to seek him. He likes me in my weakness. I don't have to pretend for him I just have to come as I am.
"There's something terribly attractive about knowing what to do to make things better in your life. If we can explain why we feel so bad in terms of something specific and correctable--like not spending enough time in 'devotions,' then we can do something about it. Nothing is more terrifying than staring at a problem for which we have no solutions under our direct control. Trusting another is perhaps the most difficult requirement of the Christian life. We hate to be dependent because we have learned to trust no one--not fully--because we know better; everyone in whom we have placed our confidence has in some way disappointed us. To trust fully, we conclude, is suicide." -Larry Crabb, Inside Out
I realize the only person I can fully trust is God. He is the person I need to turn to. I can't even fully trust myself with all my problems. That's why he is there...I can turn all my problems over to him.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Listen for GOD'S voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT/The Message)
Dear Lord,
Allow me to turn to you with all my problems. Give me hope and faith that you are doing what is best for me. Allow me to lose my control and not care so much. Help me to listen for your voice in everything and realize that you will (and even want to) direct my paths. Amen.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
I am a woman. Being a woman does not equal stupid. I also have a name. I have an opinion and it is worth something. Therefore, do not give me snotty looks when I open my mouth. Don't walk away when I'm talking to you because you could care less what I have to say. Do not tell me to do something...ask me to do it. Do not give up all faith in me because I am a woman. Respect me and you will receive the same in return.
I am your equal whether you happen to like it or not. Many women before me earned the right for me to be called your equal. You do not think I'm your equal? Then you try scrubbing the bathroom (including the toilet), being pregnant, caring and worrying about others way more than yourself, and putting yourself last at all times! So you think you do more than me because you can carry large loads. Wanna switch?
There are some women that like their high heels, expensive makeup, expensive purses, fancy cars, and little dogs that can travel around with them. Although I might enjoy some luxuries in life...I am not that type of woman. I'm not an air head so don't treat me like one!
Please see that just as yourself I am an asset. I'm worth something.
And, for anyone that would be reading this...it isn't directed to you. Also, my marriage is not in shambles. This is not about my husband. I happen to respect and love my husband. My husband is a nice man and he isn't disrespectful to me. This is just a rant...that's all...a rant...nothing more...nothing less.
I am your equal whether you happen to like it or not. Many women before me earned the right for me to be called your equal. You do not think I'm your equal? Then you try scrubbing the bathroom (including the toilet), being pregnant, caring and worrying about others way more than yourself, and putting yourself last at all times! So you think you do more than me because you can carry large loads. Wanna switch?
There are some women that like their high heels, expensive makeup, expensive purses, fancy cars, and little dogs that can travel around with them. Although I might enjoy some luxuries in life...I am not that type of woman. I'm not an air head so don't treat me like one!
Please see that just as yourself I am an asset. I'm worth something.
And, for anyone that would be reading this...it isn't directed to you. Also, my marriage is not in shambles. This is not about my husband. I happen to respect and love my husband. My husband is a nice man and he isn't disrespectful to me. This is just a rant...that's all...a rant...nothing more...nothing less.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
I need you
Dear God,
I can't do this on my own anymore. Please take these stressors I'm dealing with and help me turn them in to something positive. I am not good with giving over control but I realize I need you. Please give me the strength to give it all to you.
I can't do this on my own anymore. Please take these stressors I'm dealing with and help me turn them in to something positive. I am not good with giving over control but I realize I need you. Please give me the strength to give it all to you.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Shock Value
The below post was not written by me but rather by someone I know. Her name is Sarai and she is an amazing girl. I've known Sarai for a very long time and she is a God loving woman, beautiful, inspirational, and very talented...she writes her own music and you can check it out here.... http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=25504187.
Here is Sarai's post from facebook. It really made me think and I hope it does the same for you:
Shock Value. An interesting addiction that lingers and lingers becoming more powerful by the second. It controls minds, hearts, emotions, thoughts, decisions, actions and consequences. It contains you’re darkest secrets, your deepest fears and has the power to break you. Most of you reading this will probably stop here because it has nothing to do with you. I’m afraid you’re wrong. I have researched the depths to which this illness, addiction or wound if you may, has crawled and the results blew me away. It is something that is in us the moment we are born and whether its card is played or not is our decision.
What exactly is shock value? The dictionary will tell you the word shock means …“an unexpected, intense, and distressing experience that has a sudden and powerful effect on somebody's emotions or physical reactions..” I was shocked to wake up after overdosing…alive. I’m sure you can insert your own shock here. The meaning of value…“the worth, importance, or usefulness of something to somebody.” I value love from others towards me and from me towards others. I value my faith no matter how distant it can seem sometimes. And you? What do you value? Take a minute to answer this question.
With these definitions combined we see Shock Value as this, read it slowly: An unexpected, intense, and distressing experience, that has a sudden and powerful effect on somebody’s emotions or physical reactions caused by the worth, importance, or usefulness of something to somebody.
Read it again…
Think about this. Is it possible that we are so overwhelmed with the possibility of our worth to something or someone that we have to drastically test it? Is it not enough to love and be loved and simply accept love’s existence? Shock value, ladies and gentleman, is what we create it to be. It has no general preference to its appearance, it does not affect only the “broken” but the pioneer brave enough to test the lengths of his or her value.
But God…the amazing, spotless, perfect being…cannot be shocked. He cannot be scared or surprised and he will not react at our greatest attempts to do so. I wonder why so many of my friends have turned their hearts away after being so engulfed in their faith. Disappointment came running in when they realized there was not a catch. No agenda with what God had to offer when he sent Jesus to save our dramatic back sides. It was simple. Love. A love that cannot be tested to prove its strength. Jesus proved it by doing what no man could EVER duplicate.
What are you testing in your life?
Are you cutting to test the strength of your will? If you have the will to do it, you are stronger than you think..
Are you hurting other people to test the love of your parents who just aren’t around as much as you want them to be?
Are you dousing your body with toxins every Friday night to test your “church” friends to stop you?
Are you crawling out of the backseat of a car, or from under the sheets or from off the couch with someone to test if your purity actually exists?
Or maybe, you are being as bad as you can possibly be to prove you can do it…
I’ve spent ¾ of my life trying to shock love out of people because I couldn't accept its reality. And to this day I have to fight with my own mind to refuse its calling. You and I can shock and awe the entire world, but we cannot shock Jesus and we cannot shock God and no matter how hard we try his love is what it is and will never change. I’ve cried and cried at the realization of this…after 12 years…I can finally stop trying to prove myself. The shock value factor ends here. We’ve heard it a hundred times but it has never seem clearer than now:
Romans 8:38-39
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor ANY powers, neither height nor depth, nor ANYTHING else in ALL creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
My resolution. And I pray yours. Happy New Year….Sarai
John 16:22
"For now you have sorrow, but I will come back for you again and in that day your heart will rejoice and I will give you a joy no one can take."
Here is Sarai's post from facebook. It really made me think and I hope it does the same for you:
Shock Value. An interesting addiction that lingers and lingers becoming more powerful by the second. It controls minds, hearts, emotions, thoughts, decisions, actions and consequences. It contains you’re darkest secrets, your deepest fears and has the power to break you. Most of you reading this will probably stop here because it has nothing to do with you. I’m afraid you’re wrong. I have researched the depths to which this illness, addiction or wound if you may, has crawled and the results blew me away. It is something that is in us the moment we are born and whether its card is played or not is our decision.
What exactly is shock value? The dictionary will tell you the word shock means …“an unexpected, intense, and distressing experience that has a sudden and powerful effect on somebody's emotions or physical reactions..” I was shocked to wake up after overdosing…alive. I’m sure you can insert your own shock here. The meaning of value…“the worth, importance, or usefulness of something to somebody.” I value love from others towards me and from me towards others. I value my faith no matter how distant it can seem sometimes. And you? What do you value? Take a minute to answer this question.
With these definitions combined we see Shock Value as this, read it slowly: An unexpected, intense, and distressing experience, that has a sudden and powerful effect on somebody’s emotions or physical reactions caused by the worth, importance, or usefulness of something to somebody.
Read it again…
Think about this. Is it possible that we are so overwhelmed with the possibility of our worth to something or someone that we have to drastically test it? Is it not enough to love and be loved and simply accept love’s existence? Shock value, ladies and gentleman, is what we create it to be. It has no general preference to its appearance, it does not affect only the “broken” but the pioneer brave enough to test the lengths of his or her value.
But God…the amazing, spotless, perfect being…cannot be shocked. He cannot be scared or surprised and he will not react at our greatest attempts to do so. I wonder why so many of my friends have turned their hearts away after being so engulfed in their faith. Disappointment came running in when they realized there was not a catch. No agenda with what God had to offer when he sent Jesus to save our dramatic back sides. It was simple. Love. A love that cannot be tested to prove its strength. Jesus proved it by doing what no man could EVER duplicate.
What are you testing in your life?
Are you cutting to test the strength of your will? If you have the will to do it, you are stronger than you think..
Are you hurting other people to test the love of your parents who just aren’t around as much as you want them to be?
Are you dousing your body with toxins every Friday night to test your “church” friends to stop you?
Are you crawling out of the backseat of a car, or from under the sheets or from off the couch with someone to test if your purity actually exists?
Or maybe, you are being as bad as you can possibly be to prove you can do it…
I’ve spent ¾ of my life trying to shock love out of people because I couldn't accept its reality. And to this day I have to fight with my own mind to refuse its calling. You and I can shock and awe the entire world, but we cannot shock Jesus and we cannot shock God and no matter how hard we try his love is what it is and will never change. I’ve cried and cried at the realization of this…after 12 years…I can finally stop trying to prove myself. The shock value factor ends here. We’ve heard it a hundred times but it has never seem clearer than now:
Romans 8:38-39
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor ANY powers, neither height nor depth, nor ANYTHING else in ALL creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
My resolution. And I pray yours. Happy New Year….Sarai
John 16:22
"For now you have sorrow, but I will come back for you again and in that day your heart will rejoice and I will give you a joy no one can take."
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