I am overwhelmed by this house today. Everything reminds me of her. I feel as if I can almost hear her laugh today. I miss my mom a lot today.
Her clothes are still in her closet just the way she always had them.
She liked things with “personality” so there are a lot of little whimsical things around the house.
Everything is pretty much the way she left it.
Maybe today is a good day for a drive : )
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Trust...Just Another 5 Letter Word...
Why are the easiest words in the English language so hard to wrap your mind around? Trust. Love. Hope. Grace. Faith. Truth. Hate. Hurt. Think it is easy? Take your definition of hope. A new mother getting a wonderful ultrasound saying everything is fine? That’s a sign of hope. Now say you just got kicked off of a transplant list, your only hope of survival. Hope is diminished. Hate. I two year old hates taking a bath or you hate someone that has hurt you deeply. Love. I love my husband…now what if you are recently divorced? Or what if you don’t talk to your family? You may have a different explanation of love.
All of that to bring me to this word…TRUST. Why is it so hard to trust another person? Which do you believe… people are generally bad but make some good choices in life OR people are generally good but make bad choices in life? Do people generally lie or do people sometimes lie withdrawing your trust in them? What is the definition of trust in your mind?
Back to the first question…Why is it so hard to trust another person? I don’t know the answer. I generally don’t trust people. This isn’t something I like about myself. Why don’t I trust people? I guess I’ve been let down too many times. Is it smart not too trust people right out of the gates? Are you supposed to trust them until they give you a reason not too?
Here is what I do not trust. I won’t trust someone that generally talks a lot about other people. If you talk about everyone in town how am I supposed to believe that you won’t turn around and talk about me to everyone else?
I do not trust people that “throw me or others under the bus” so to speak. If you try to make yourself look better by putting someone else down (especially in front of other people) then I generally will not trust you.
Another thing I do not trust… I don’t trust when you confine in someone about something that aggravates you and then they in turn tell someone else. Like “Hey Sarah, come here, you got to hear this…this just happened to Veronica….and it’s so funny because I was just telling her the same thing happened to you”. Haha…yeah…great thank you for that (and in your mind you are smashing your head against a wall).
I don’t trust people that are always negative. Will everything I say to them turn into something negative?
I think my biggest fear with trust is that it will turn into judgment. If I peel back the layers of who I really am will you run and tell your friends what a lunatic I am?
And all of this leads me to this…good friends are hard to find. I have only a few people that really know all the dirt on me and have not told another person and, frankly they really don’t care because they love me so much it doesn’t matter. And, I’m so thankful for a forgiving God…because without him…well, what kind of life would that be?
All of that to bring me to this word…TRUST. Why is it so hard to trust another person? Which do you believe… people are generally bad but make some good choices in life OR people are generally good but make bad choices in life? Do people generally lie or do people sometimes lie withdrawing your trust in them? What is the definition of trust in your mind?
Back to the first question…Why is it so hard to trust another person? I don’t know the answer. I generally don’t trust people. This isn’t something I like about myself. Why don’t I trust people? I guess I’ve been let down too many times. Is it smart not too trust people right out of the gates? Are you supposed to trust them until they give you a reason not too?
Here is what I do not trust. I won’t trust someone that generally talks a lot about other people. If you talk about everyone in town how am I supposed to believe that you won’t turn around and talk about me to everyone else?
I do not trust people that “throw me or others under the bus” so to speak. If you try to make yourself look better by putting someone else down (especially in front of other people) then I generally will not trust you.
Another thing I do not trust… I don’t trust when you confine in someone about something that aggravates you and then they in turn tell someone else. Like “Hey Sarah, come here, you got to hear this…this just happened to Veronica….and it’s so funny because I was just telling her the same thing happened to you”. Haha…yeah…great thank you for that (and in your mind you are smashing your head against a wall).
I don’t trust people that are always negative. Will everything I say to them turn into something negative?
I think my biggest fear with trust is that it will turn into judgment. If I peel back the layers of who I really am will you run and tell your friends what a lunatic I am?
And all of this leads me to this…good friends are hard to find. I have only a few people that really know all the dirt on me and have not told another person and, frankly they really don’t care because they love me so much it doesn’t matter. And, I’m so thankful for a forgiving God…because without him…well, what kind of life would that be?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Today
Lucifer,
Today was a great! Today I went to church and grew closer to God. Today I discovered a little more about myself. Today I feel alive!
I drove with my husband with no destination in mind. We went everywhere and it was wonderful. The day was perfect and sunny. The weather God provided was great. The grass and trees were green and the sky was a wonderful blue.
Today I spent time with the Youth Group. I even went down the slip-n-slide a couple of times. I let my guard down today and let a few new people into my life.
The day ended with Christian songs around a campfire.
Today you failed again.
-Sarah
Today was a great! Today I went to church and grew closer to God. Today I discovered a little more about myself. Today I feel alive!
I drove with my husband with no destination in mind. We went everywhere and it was wonderful. The day was perfect and sunny. The weather God provided was great. The grass and trees were green and the sky was a wonderful blue.
Today I spent time with the Youth Group. I even went down the slip-n-slide a couple of times. I let my guard down today and let a few new people into my life.
The day ended with Christian songs around a campfire.
Today you failed again.
-Sarah
Friday, August 17, 2007
One Big Dysfunctional Family
My job makes me laugh! I love the people I work with. It truly is one big dysfunctional family. We all have different attitudes, quirks, and different sinces of humor…yet…somehow we mesh. I love randomness!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I Don't Believe You Anymore!
Dearest Lucifer,
Here I am! I am here face to face and heart to heart. I have something that I have to tell you. For years I let you try to dominate me. For years I let you whisper your seductive lies into my ears. I let you tell me I was stupid, ugly, worthless, a bad Christian, a bad wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I let you belittle me. I let you tell me lies and I even believed you.
You told me that the trials in life that I faced were because I deserved it. I deserved them all because I was a bad Christian and I had it coming.
You told me I couldn’t help with the youth group. You told me I couldn’t do it because I would fail. I have only met with them once but I already know you are wrong!
You told me not to take on the job I have now. You told me I would fail. I would be too stupid to handle it. You were wrong!
You told me that I couldn’t stay married. It would be too hard to stay married at my young age. That the first year would be so hard I would want to quit. I have been married almost 3 years! You were wrong!
You told me I couldn’t move in with my mom and dad and take care of them. I have! When my mom passed away you told me it was my fault! I could have helped her more! I didn’t do enough! You were wrong!
You told me I will never be loved. I am loved by my husband, my family, my friends, my church…again…you were wrong!
You bound me in chains and took the key to the lock. I believed you and you held me captive for a long time. Finally, I have trusted in the Lord and he has broken your deadly chains!
Get out! We are over! I fully belong to God now! I don’t need you! Goodbye!
Here I am! I am here face to face and heart to heart. I have something that I have to tell you. For years I let you try to dominate me. For years I let you whisper your seductive lies into my ears. I let you tell me I was stupid, ugly, worthless, a bad Christian, a bad wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I let you belittle me. I let you tell me lies and I even believed you.
You told me that the trials in life that I faced were because I deserved it. I deserved them all because I was a bad Christian and I had it coming.
You told me I couldn’t help with the youth group. You told me I couldn’t do it because I would fail. I have only met with them once but I already know you are wrong!
You told me not to take on the job I have now. You told me I would fail. I would be too stupid to handle it. You were wrong!
You told me that I couldn’t stay married. It would be too hard to stay married at my young age. That the first year would be so hard I would want to quit. I have been married almost 3 years! You were wrong!
You told me I couldn’t move in with my mom and dad and take care of them. I have! When my mom passed away you told me it was my fault! I could have helped her more! I didn’t do enough! You were wrong!
You told me I will never be loved. I am loved by my husband, my family, my friends, my church…again…you were wrong!
You bound me in chains and took the key to the lock. I believed you and you held me captive for a long time. Finally, I have trusted in the Lord and he has broken your deadly chains!
Get out! We are over! I fully belong to God now! I don’t need you! Goodbye!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Lifting the Veil!
Here I am writing my first blog. Something I thought I would never do. Why? Because I don’t know if I trust you. I might unleash some part of me that you don’t like. I might be too honest. I might be too blunt. I may say something you don’t agree with. I may just cause you to judge me! Anyways, here I am! I am smart, funny, displeased with my self, I worry what you think, I don’t read my bible as often as I should, I might contradict myself, I will value your opinions, for more of who I am read these lyrics below….
She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe "you"
And she'll take what you give her, as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me
CHORUS
Oh-she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh-and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me
CHORUS
She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me-Billy Joel/She's Always a Woman to Me
I just lifted my veil and now that you know who I am will you still love me anyways?
“ make this your common practice : confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed...” - james 5:16
She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe "you"
And she'll take what you give her, as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me
CHORUS
Oh-she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh-and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me
CHORUS
She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me-Billy Joel/She's Always a Woman to Me
I just lifted my veil and now that you know who I am will you still love me anyways?
“ make this your common practice : confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed...” - james 5:16
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