Don't Worry, Be Happy

What am I doing right now? Not sleeping. Why? Because I'm really busy worrying about everything. By everything I really do mean everything. I come from a long line of worriers. I worry over everything...all minor and major details have to be taken into consideration. I know I know..."Give it to God." I have trust me, I really have. Yet I still worry. It's an obsession of mine. I'm obsessed with worrying...how dumb is that?

I've just had some of those days lately. Days that are really bad but have their good days in between. You know the days where everything you touch just rots right there in front of you? I feel like a can't do anything right. So many expectations and so little time to fill all those expectations. And, do you ever try to please someone so much that you just screw it up? I've went about pleasing people in all the wrong ways lately. I assumed what they wanted. It wasn't what they wanted and now I'm worrying about fixing all of that! To others it's probably no big deal...to me and my pregnant mind...END-O'-THE-WORLD!

*Sigh*

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. ~Mark Twain

What's with the snow?

I'm so ready for spring. I miss sunshine, flowers, renewal. I am so bored with the snow. It's pretty for awhile and then it turns to muck and it's dangerous. I feel like a flightless bird.

You be the judge

Billionaire Mark Cuban...a possible Steve Good impersonator?

Pregnancy

I'm not really sure how to start out this post. I just want to talk about being pregnant and the joys and effects. I feel so blessed and so completely amazed that I am going to be a parent. How could this human being be forming in me? I am holding a life. Wow! A life! I've never wanted so many random things from double cheeseburgers, to thinking the existence of a hamburger was repulsive, to Doritos and melted cheese, then lucky charms and chocolate milk, and now I believe I still like the Chocolate milk but I would have to say Cardo's Salad with ranch is a new craving. I also am in love with boneless Honey B.B.Q. wings from Buffalo Wild Wings.

I generally enjoy being pregnant. However, I don't like the comments of "wow you look huge" and "are you having twins'? For the record I'm not having twins and this question makes me want to dig a hole, sit in it for awhile, cry, and then return to normal life lol!

I'm just generally in awe. I can't believe this miracle. I'm completely amazed by God's work. Feeling this tiny baby move I think to myself...how can anyone deny there is a God?

This is for Eli.

1. One book that changed your life

I would have to give the typical answer here and say the Bible. I would also like to add Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell.

2. One book you’ve read more than once

Vanished by Tess Grisham. Yes, it was twisted but that's why I liked it.

I am in the process of rereading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island

Again I would say the Bible. Maybe I could find a certain prayer that would help me get off the island.


4. Two books that made you laugh

A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein.


5. One book that made you cry

The Color Purple by Alice Walker and The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold.


6. One book you wish had been written

I am with Eli on this...Steve Good needs to write a book.


7. One book you wish had never been written

I don't tend to read books that I wish would have never been written. However, Brian and I were in Borders and there was a book about how to grow marijuana...kind of dumb especially since you know growing it is actually illegal!


8. One book you’re currently reading

They Like Jesus but Not the Church by Dan Kimball; rereading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell; What to Expect When you are Excepting by Heidi Murkoff, Arlene Eisenberg & Sandee Hathaway.


9. One book you’ve been meaning to read

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.


Here is my Tag List:

Jaki, Jodi, Steve, Laura, Sarah Cornish, and John Williams.

Revelation

Alright so the last post was a little over the top with emotion...but...I don't choose to delete it. I still kind of feel that way and that's exactly how I felt at the time. It was blunt, honest, and I wasn't pretending. Sometimes I wonder why I care so much. So going on that I really enjoyed Steve's message today.

"There is no room for pretending in spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule: pretend. Give the impression that everything is ok in your life when it's not; pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; and whenever you do, don't admit you sin. The essence of messy spirituality is the refusal to pretend, to lie, or to allow others to believe we are something we are not. Yet, most people can handle the most difficult of issues easier than they can handle the lack of pretending."- Mike Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality.

I am realizing more and more each day that I need to let God intervene in my life. I have a lot of stress and issues that I think I can take care of..the truth...I can't do it on my own. God wants me to seek him. He likes me in my weakness. I don't have to pretend for him I just have to come as I am.

"There's something terribly attractive about knowing what to do to make things better in your life. If we can explain why we feel so bad in terms of something specific and correctable--like not spending enough time in 'devotions,' then we can do something about it. Nothing is more terrifying than staring at a problem for which we have no solutions under our direct control. Trusting another is perhaps the most difficult requirement of the Christian life. We hate to be dependent because we have learned to trust no one--not fully--because we know better; everyone in whom we have placed our confidence has in some way disappointed us. To trust fully, we conclude, is suicide." -Larry Crabb, Inside Out

I realize the only person I can fully trust is God. He is the person I need to turn to. I can't even fully trust myself with all my problems. That's why he is there...I can turn all my problems over to him.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Listen for GOD'S voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT/The Message)

Dear Lord,
Allow me to turn to you with all my problems. Give me hope and faith that you are doing what is best for me. Allow me to lose my control and not care so much. Help me to listen for your voice in everything and realize that you will (and even want to) direct my paths. Amen.

I am a woman. Being a woman does not equal stupid. I also have a name. I have an opinion and it is worth something. Therefore, do not give me snotty looks when I open my mouth. Don't walk away when I'm talking to you because you could care less what I have to say. Do not tell me to do something...ask me to do it. Do not give up all faith in me because I am a woman. Respect me and you will receive the same in return.

I am your equal whether you happen to like it or not. Many women before me earned the right for me to be called your equal. You do not think I'm your equal? Then you try scrubbing the bathroom (including the toilet), being pregnant, caring and worrying about others way more than yourself, and putting yourself last at all times! So you think you do more than me because you can carry large loads. Wanna switch?

There are some women that like their high heels, expensive makeup, expensive purses, fancy cars, and little dogs that can travel around with them. Although I might enjoy some luxuries in life...I am not that type of woman. I'm not an air head so don't treat me like one!

Please see that just as yourself I am an asset. I'm worth something.

And, for anyone that would be reading this...it isn't directed to you. Also, my marriage is not in shambles. This is not about my husband. I happen to respect and love my husband. My husband is a nice man and he isn't disrespectful to me. This is just a rant...that's all...a rant...nothing more...nothing less.