Paul,

You are now 3 months old and growing like crazy. At your last doctors appointment on October 31, 2008 you weighed in at a whopping 15 pounds and 2 oz. You have learned to hold your head up, blow amazing spit bubbles, giggle, turn your head when you realize your daddy or myself are in the room, hold your own rattle, and you are trying to sit up but you still have support. You are also trying to roll on your side...you are so close you almost have it. I can't wait for that day! Among the many things you are learning and doing you are also starting to cut your first teeth.



You experienced your first Halloween dressed as a monkey. You looked adorable in your monkey suit. Grandma Kim, Pap, Aunt Lori, Uncle Dave, and Cousin Connor were among your adoring fans that came to see you dressed up and pass out Halloween Candy. You also had a few visitors: Sherry, Danny, Dylan, Lauren, Jenn, Ellie, Silas, and Sarah. You tolerated your costume well. You eventually got bored with Halloween and feel asleep.



Although you have no idea, you have witnessed a major turning point in our Country. Barack Obama was elected America's first African American president.

I am enjoying each month with you. I enjoy watching your many milestones. I am on the sidelines cheering you on as you explore your new world and learn new things!

I love you!

Love,
Mommy

Love will find a way

"I have been surprised to find that I am given more life, more hope, more moments of buoyancy and redemption, the more I give up. The more I let go, do without, reduce, the more I feel rich. The more I let people be who they are instead of cramming them into what I need from them, the more surprised I am by their beauty and depth." -Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines.

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
-Casting Crowns

What an interesting weekend! I got a chance this weekend to see why people may love Jesus but don't like the church.

*Disclaimer: if you are reading this it probably isn't about you. Please don't take offense to anything I say.

With the craziness of the weekend and Steve's message on Sunday I'm asking myself the following questions:

How can the church shed this image?

How can we show people that being a Christian is a good thing?

How can we love no matter what?

How can I shed this image?

Do people see Jesus through me?

What is my hearts desire?

Am I filling my life with junk?

Do I want to get well?

How about that!

What NBC "The Office" character are you? Your Result: Jim Halpert   You are the kind of person that everyone likes. You are funny, laid back, and not bad looking. You love practical jokes and having a fun time with your friends. However, because you are so laid back you often let the things that are most important to you get away. I miss Dwight. Congratulations Universe, you win.
Toby Flenderson
Pam Beesly
Angela Martin
Dwight Kurt Schrute
Kelly Kapoor
Ryan Howard
Michael Scott
What NBC "The Office" character are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

To Paul

Paul,

Everyday I watch you grow with such amazement. I can’t believe your dad and I created something so beautiful. You are the hardest most rewarding job I have ever had. I don’t know if it is even a job…it’s a privilege. I am privileged to be your mommy. Everyday I pray for you. I pray that you will be a respectable, loving, intelligent, sincere, empathetic, courageous, thoughtful, God loving man. I pray that I will teach you to treat others kindly and to always stand up for what you believe in.

I love you more than anything in this whole world. A parents love is something I can’t describe. It’s a deeper more passionate love. It’s a love I’ve never experienced before. You will understand someday when you have your own children.

I love that the moment you were born you recognized my voice. I love having such a connection with you. Although sometimes it is tiring I love feeling so needed. I hope that I raise you to be an independent man but I hope that you always make me feel needed in some way.

You are my heart and soul!

Love,
Mommy

A Pirates Life for Me!

My pirate name is:

Iron Mary Bonney

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Wish you were here

Well, it's offical. The graduated seniors that were in the youth group are starting college. I miss them. They feel like extended family members. Little brothers and sisters. For them I have this quote:

"You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remeber that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And you will succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
KID YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!"

-Oh the Places You'll Go, Dr. Seuss

Blessed

Thank you Lord!

Mommyville

Things I have learned in my first few weeks of being a mom:

1. Little boys can not be trusted.

2. Babies can pee as much as grown ups. Pee can fly across a room.

3. If I cup my hands together it makes a great pee catcher.

4. There is such a thing as a poop volcano.

5. While being a mom you never reach a sound sleep. Any little noise makes your mom-dar go off.

6. You will do ANYTHING when it comes to your baby.

7. It's ok to ask for help.

8. You can pray several times a day for someone other than yourself.

9. Sleep is overrated.

10. There is such a thing as love at first sight.

Emmaus

Last weekend I took my journey to Emmaus. For those of you are not sure what Emmaus means you can look up a brief description here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emmaus_Walk

There are so many stories I wish I could share but I can't. I can't because if anyone reading this would want to experience it and I told about my experience it would ruin things. I can say that what I experienced last weekend is almost unexplainable. I've waited a week and I'm still not sure I have the words for it. I'm not sure I'll ever find the words.

I know that since last weekend God has been working on my heart tremendously. I don't feel like the same person and I certainly hope that I am not. However, I think this is going to be a process. Almost a cleansing process of my heart.

I thought I knew how a Christian should act, dress, pray, ect... little did I know I had no idea the heart of Jesus. I had it all wrong. There are many people I wish I could go back and apologize to for the way I acted and for the views I so strongly fought. I had no idea how stubborn I was being or how wrong I was. I felt an overwhelming love by other Christians last weekend. I felt the overwhelming love of God and Jesus and I can only say I strive to be more like that. I actually truly and undoubtedly have a knew passion in my heart...to truly and tenderheartedly love others.

"I might believe in the Redeemer if His followers looked more Redeemed."
-Fredrick Nietczshe

My prayer is that Jesus helps me everyday to be more and more like him. I am far far away from perfect. I will never be perfect. I am just merely striving to have a closer relationship, a stronger faith, and a better heart.

Update

So I haven't blogged in awhile and thought I'd give it a shot again. I'm not sure if anyone really follows my blog but for those of you who might here is an update.

1. I'm glad for the green on the trees, the flowers in the ground, and that it is finally starting to warm up outside.

2. For those of you that don't know...Brian and I moved so things have been kinda crazy for us lately.

3. I'm trying to take down wallpaper so Brian can paint the nursery (the nursery will have a monkey theme).

4. I am in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy. I really enjoy the pregnancy but can't wait for the conversation to be off of the size of my stomach. lol! We are 97% we are going to name the baby Paul. We do not have a middle name picked out yet. And finally, yes I'm nervous about getting him home but can't wait to have him here!

5. I'm really enjoying Monday night small group at the church. If you aren't going you are missing out on some good discussion.

6. I am really enjoying the youth group. I am so sad about the seniors graduating this coming Sunday. I'm so attached. I don't even think most of them know how much I love them and how proud I am of them. They are such a special group of kids!

So, that's a quick update. I hope everyone is enjoying the weather!

I had to play along

You're Inherit the Wind!

by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee

To you, the learning process is inherently about controversy. If
people aren't having their minds stretched, how could they possibly be learning? This
makes you a good but unpopular teacher, and the people around you are ready to make it
a federal case. All you're asking them to do is evolve a little. But they would like
you to be more creative. You would make an excellent lawyer, even though people think
you love monkeys.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Lawyer...hmmm...imagine that. I must be in the right field of work afterall. And, I do kind of think monkeys are cute....but to think we evolved from them isn't all that flattering.

Baby Update

I am in my 5th month of pregnancy, exactly 21 weeks. We found out a week ago that we are having a little boy. He made it pretty obvious. Brian and I are very excited. I love being pregnant. I feel the best I have ever felt. I’m also just very glad that I know it is a boy. He is becoming his own little person and I am falling in love with him and I already know it’s a love like I’ve never experienced before.

Brian felt what he knew for sure was the baby moving yesterday. That was a pretty exciting experience. It’s amazing how we are starting to evolve into feeling like parents.

Now on to the big question…what are we going to name him? Answer: we have no clue. It’s not that we haven’t put thought into it. We have put a lot of thought into this but we just don’t have an answer. We have looked through baby books and nothing just stands out and says “That’s it!” Our heritage is German, Irish, English, and Scottish for the most part. We also like Biblical names. Any suggestions?

I am a Christian

Christians
By Maya Angelou

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Don't Worry, Be Happy

What am I doing right now? Not sleeping. Why? Because I'm really busy worrying about everything. By everything I really do mean everything. I come from a long line of worriers. I worry over everything...all minor and major details have to be taken into consideration. I know I know..."Give it to God." I have trust me, I really have. Yet I still worry. It's an obsession of mine. I'm obsessed with worrying...how dumb is that?

I've just had some of those days lately. Days that are really bad but have their good days in between. You know the days where everything you touch just rots right there in front of you? I feel like a can't do anything right. So many expectations and so little time to fill all those expectations. And, do you ever try to please someone so much that you just screw it up? I've went about pleasing people in all the wrong ways lately. I assumed what they wanted. It wasn't what they wanted and now I'm worrying about fixing all of that! To others it's probably no big deal...to me and my pregnant mind...END-O'-THE-WORLD!

*Sigh*

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. ~Mark Twain

What's with the snow?

I'm so ready for spring. I miss sunshine, flowers, renewal. I am so bored with the snow. It's pretty for awhile and then it turns to muck and it's dangerous. I feel like a flightless bird.

You be the judge

Billionaire Mark Cuban...a possible Steve Good impersonator?

Pregnancy

I'm not really sure how to start out this post. I just want to talk about being pregnant and the joys and effects. I feel so blessed and so completely amazed that I am going to be a parent. How could this human being be forming in me? I am holding a life. Wow! A life! I've never wanted so many random things from double cheeseburgers, to thinking the existence of a hamburger was repulsive, to Doritos and melted cheese, then lucky charms and chocolate milk, and now I believe I still like the Chocolate milk but I would have to say Cardo's Salad with ranch is a new craving. I also am in love with boneless Honey B.B.Q. wings from Buffalo Wild Wings.

I generally enjoy being pregnant. However, I don't like the comments of "wow you look huge" and "are you having twins'? For the record I'm not having twins and this question makes me want to dig a hole, sit in it for awhile, cry, and then return to normal life lol!

I'm just generally in awe. I can't believe this miracle. I'm completely amazed by God's work. Feeling this tiny baby move I think to myself...how can anyone deny there is a God?

This is for Eli.

1. One book that changed your life

I would have to give the typical answer here and say the Bible. I would also like to add Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell.

2. One book you’ve read more than once

Vanished by Tess Grisham. Yes, it was twisted but that's why I liked it.

I am in the process of rereading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island

Again I would say the Bible. Maybe I could find a certain prayer that would help me get off the island.


4. Two books that made you laugh

A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein.


5. One book that made you cry

The Color Purple by Alice Walker and The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold.


6. One book you wish had been written

I am with Eli on this...Steve Good needs to write a book.


7. One book you wish had never been written

I don't tend to read books that I wish would have never been written. However, Brian and I were in Borders and there was a book about how to grow marijuana...kind of dumb especially since you know growing it is actually illegal!


8. One book you’re currently reading

They Like Jesus but Not the Church by Dan Kimball; rereading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell; What to Expect When you are Excepting by Heidi Murkoff, Arlene Eisenberg & Sandee Hathaway.


9. One book you’ve been meaning to read

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.


Here is my Tag List:

Jaki, Jodi, Steve, Laura, Sarah Cornish, and John Williams.

Revelation

Alright so the last post was a little over the top with emotion...but...I don't choose to delete it. I still kind of feel that way and that's exactly how I felt at the time. It was blunt, honest, and I wasn't pretending. Sometimes I wonder why I care so much. So going on that I really enjoyed Steve's message today.

"There is no room for pretending in spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule: pretend. Give the impression that everything is ok in your life when it's not; pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; and whenever you do, don't admit you sin. The essence of messy spirituality is the refusal to pretend, to lie, or to allow others to believe we are something we are not. Yet, most people can handle the most difficult of issues easier than they can handle the lack of pretending."- Mike Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality.

I am realizing more and more each day that I need to let God intervene in my life. I have a lot of stress and issues that I think I can take care of..the truth...I can't do it on my own. God wants me to seek him. He likes me in my weakness. I don't have to pretend for him I just have to come as I am.

"There's something terribly attractive about knowing what to do to make things better in your life. If we can explain why we feel so bad in terms of something specific and correctable--like not spending enough time in 'devotions,' then we can do something about it. Nothing is more terrifying than staring at a problem for which we have no solutions under our direct control. Trusting another is perhaps the most difficult requirement of the Christian life. We hate to be dependent because we have learned to trust no one--not fully--because we know better; everyone in whom we have placed our confidence has in some way disappointed us. To trust fully, we conclude, is suicide." -Larry Crabb, Inside Out

I realize the only person I can fully trust is God. He is the person I need to turn to. I can't even fully trust myself with all my problems. That's why he is there...I can turn all my problems over to him.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Listen for GOD'S voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT/The Message)

Dear Lord,
Allow me to turn to you with all my problems. Give me hope and faith that you are doing what is best for me. Allow me to lose my control and not care so much. Help me to listen for your voice in everything and realize that you will (and even want to) direct my paths. Amen.

I am a woman. Being a woman does not equal stupid. I also have a name. I have an opinion and it is worth something. Therefore, do not give me snotty looks when I open my mouth. Don't walk away when I'm talking to you because you could care less what I have to say. Do not tell me to do something...ask me to do it. Do not give up all faith in me because I am a woman. Respect me and you will receive the same in return.

I am your equal whether you happen to like it or not. Many women before me earned the right for me to be called your equal. You do not think I'm your equal? Then you try scrubbing the bathroom (including the toilet), being pregnant, caring and worrying about others way more than yourself, and putting yourself last at all times! So you think you do more than me because you can carry large loads. Wanna switch?

There are some women that like their high heels, expensive makeup, expensive purses, fancy cars, and little dogs that can travel around with them. Although I might enjoy some luxuries in life...I am not that type of woman. I'm not an air head so don't treat me like one!

Please see that just as yourself I am an asset. I'm worth something.

And, for anyone that would be reading this...it isn't directed to you. Also, my marriage is not in shambles. This is not about my husband. I happen to respect and love my husband. My husband is a nice man and he isn't disrespectful to me. This is just a rant...that's all...a rant...nothing more...nothing less.

I need you

Dear God,

I can't do this on my own anymore. Please take these stressors I'm dealing with and help me turn them in to something positive. I am not good with giving over control but I realize I need you. Please give me the strength to give it all to you.

Shock Value

The below post was not written by me but rather by someone I know. Her name is Sarai and she is an amazing girl. I've known Sarai for a very long time and she is a God loving woman, beautiful, inspirational, and very talented...she writes her own music and you can check it out here.... http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=25504187.

Here is Sarai's post from facebook. It really made me think and I hope it does the same for you:

Shock Value. An interesting addiction that lingers and lingers becoming more powerful by the second. It controls minds, hearts, emotions, thoughts, decisions, actions and consequences. It contains you’re darkest secrets, your deepest fears and has the power to break you. Most of you reading this will probably stop here because it has nothing to do with you. I’m afraid you’re wrong. I have researched the depths to which this illness, addiction or wound if you may, has crawled and the results blew me away. It is something that is in us the moment we are born and whether its card is played or not is our decision.

What exactly is shock value? The dictionary will tell you the word shock means …“an unexpected, intense, and distressing experience that has a sudden and powerful effect on somebody's emotions or physical reactions..” I was shocked to wake up after overdosing…alive. I’m sure you can insert your own shock here. The meaning of value…“the worth, importance, or usefulness of something to somebody.” I value love from others towards me and from me towards others. I value my faith no matter how distant it can seem sometimes. And you? What do you value? Take a minute to answer this question.

With these definitions combined we see Shock Value as this, read it slowly: An unexpected, intense, and distressing experience, that has a sudden and powerful effect on somebody’s emotions or physical reactions caused by the worth, importance, or usefulness of something to somebody.
Read it again…

Think about this. Is it possible that we are so overwhelmed with the possibility of our worth to something or someone that we have to drastically test it? Is it not enough to love and be loved and simply accept love’s existence? Shock value, ladies and gentleman, is what we create it to be. It has no general preference to its appearance, it does not affect only the “broken” but the pioneer brave enough to test the lengths of his or her value.

But God…the amazing, spotless, perfect being…cannot be shocked. He cannot be scared or surprised and he will not react at our greatest attempts to do so. I wonder why so many of my friends have turned their hearts away after being so engulfed in their faith. Disappointment came running in when they realized there was not a catch. No agenda with what God had to offer when he sent Jesus to save our dramatic back sides. It was simple. Love. A love that cannot be tested to prove its strength. Jesus proved it by doing what no man could EVER duplicate.

What are you testing in your life?
Are you cutting to test the strength of your will? If you have the will to do it, you are stronger than you think..
Are you hurting other people to test the love of your parents who just aren’t around as much as you want them to be?
Are you dousing your body with toxins every Friday night to test your “church” friends to stop you?
Are you crawling out of the backseat of a car, or from under the sheets or from off the couch with someone to test if your purity actually exists?
Or maybe, you are being as bad as you can possibly be to prove you can do it…

I’ve spent ¾ of my life trying to shock love out of people because I couldn't accept its reality. And to this day I have to fight with my own mind to refuse its calling. You and I can shock and awe the entire world, but we cannot shock Jesus and we cannot shock God and no matter how hard we try his love is what it is and will never change. I’ve cried and cried at the realization of this…after 12 years…I can finally stop trying to prove myself. The shock value factor ends here. We’ve heard it a hundred times but it has never seem clearer than now:

Romans 8:38-39
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor ANY powers, neither height nor depth, nor ANYTHING else in ALL creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

My resolution. And I pray yours. Happy New Year….Sarai

John 16:22
"For now you have sorrow, but I will come back for you again and in that day your heart will rejoice and I will give you a joy no one can take."